Wednesday, January 11, 2006

a (wo)man, a plan, a canal, panama!

i love palindromes. and i have a plan, so there ya go. otherwise, that title has nothing to do with this post.

yesterday i was pretty good on the food front. i made us an egg and canadian bacon breakfast, made a lean roast beef sandwich on whole wheat for lunch, had a couple of clementines with it, had a banana as a snack, and then we went to harry and jenn's for dinner. i made corn muffins and jenn made chili with really super-lean ground beef. the corn muffins, i admit, were not so good, but i really had a cravin' on for them. and i made them myself so i know what was in them--nothing too bad really.

a word on the whole eating thing--i have kind of abandoned south beach for the moment, mainly because it's so rigid. i do believe it's a great choice, but i also know that i can't really maintain it long term and be happy. so. i am reading nutrition books again along with that the south beach book, and making my own way with something hybrid that is not exactly a diet but is hopefully something i can maintain as a way of life. i am trying to cook at home more, eat whole grains instead of refined ones, get some of my proteins from vegetable sources rather than all from animal ones, watch the sweets and the portion control, and generally make healthy choices. trying to teach myself to look at a nice dinner out as treating myself rather than as cheating, and to associate eating out with special occasions rather than with lack of time. the truth is i usually like my own cooking best anyway.

the gym thing is so much more harder for me, it's not even funny. the hippie goes regularly, but he goes at 5:30am--UGH! i have tried and failed to get up that early many many times, but i just fail repeatedly. then i spend all day beating myself up about it. and the hippie's all disappointed in me, too, and i just can't take that. it just makes me want to dig in my heels and get stubborn about going, which i know is irrational and stupid and self-destructive. the thing he doesn't get is that for me, this is not just an exercise in self-dicipline, it's also a hideous emotional thing. it's NOT rational. i fear and dread it. i feel like everyone's looking at me, judging me, horrified by me. i know it isn't really so, but i still FEEL like it is. and at the bottom of it all, i also know--i KNOW--that it's the only choice i have and that i HAVE to find a way to make it work. a way i can live with long term. BLEH.

BUT. all that said--i DO have a plan of attack. i think. i figured out today that the merge between my gym and another one has actually given me a few more options. in the past, i have had the best luck and the most fun with gyms when i had either a work-out partner or a class i liked to go to. right now, i have neither of those things, and the class schedule at my gym SUCKS. however, i think if i start going to two locations, i may be able to make something resembling a regular schedule happen. i actually made a color-coded spreadsheet to figure it all out. this means shifting my work schedule a bit earlier, but that is something i want to do anyway. so, starting tomorrow, i will try this out and see how it goes. i would start today, but today's possible class is at the gym near work, and i have none of my stuff on me--so, tomorrow it is. wish me luck.

1 Comments:

Blogger Samantha said...

good luck man, you can do it :-)

1:38 PM  

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